Memories

Memories Hurt

2011-12-20T01:57:00.000-08:00

Its hard to forget. No wonder the jews never forgot.

Pacquiao

2011-11-15T14:13:00.000-08:00

Pacquiao, I hope you don't die a cruel death.

Birds

2011-11-13T19:28:00.001-08:00

Birds flying over Waterloo, NY.

Religions of the World

2011-11-11T23:52:00.001-08:00

The Old Phone

2011-11-09T02:27:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure what the model is anymore but some documents say Nokia 6610.

Back From Class

2011-10-18T19:25:00.000-07:00

Got back from class at around 4:00 pm. Luckily didn't have work tonight - that would have left me with a little less than 2 hrs of sleep before work. I know one day I'll look back at these notes and wonder how I made it through. My chem class seems to be getting harder and longer and is eating up much more of my time than I want.

War

2011-09-24T05:52:00.001-07:00

The draft is not compulsory.
But they still find people to fight their war.
Its a sign of more hard times ahead.

Waiting at the Wings

2011-08-19T12:38:00.000-07:00

They're just waiting at the wings. A younger, new generation of Marcos boys, part of whom benefited from the crony capitalism of the Marcos years, are waiting for this PNoy regime to end. In fact, they can't wait for it to end because if this "tuwid na daan" campaign lasts longer it might soon catch up with them. Of course there are those children of former Marcos cronies who are now comfortably - and safely - occupying legislative & executive positions in government. "Parliamentary courtesy" is such a sweet term.

PNoy should be shrewd in knowing who his real friends are because when the time draws near, the daggers will be drawn even by some of those he thought were close to him.

As to those corrupt generals, I wish there were some authority that could simply say: "Off with their heads"!!

Tired

2011-07-29T15:02:00.001-07:00

Im so tired I think im going to die.

Tiger on my Bed

2011-07-22T20:25:00.001-07:00

Under house arrest for 3 months now, Tiger feels he has the privilege to sleep in our bed....

Rethinking Happiness

2011-07-22T20:20:00.001-07:00

I need to let go of things like "financial security" and do something that will make me happy. Its not enough that i get up, go to work, pay the bills, save some money, etc. etc. I need to do something that will make me happy.... like sculpting, or glass blowing, or picking up on my painting again. Or maybe I should go to Tibet and become a buddhist monk. That might make me happy. I just don't know if I can live w/o the internet.... hot water.... coffee...

Moving On

2011-07-16T14:36:00.000-07:00

Sam's moving on. I know I'll miss him. This guy's got a good personality & a good sense of humor. It'll be hard to fill in the void he'll leave at work....

Its Impossible

2011-07-07T03:21:00.000-07:00

This keyboard is 2x4 inches. And I thought I wd be making my life more productive...

Sleep Habits

2011-07-06T02:29:00.001-07:00

Very bad sleep habits. I know i'm a nocturnal animal but to not be able to sleep during the day after working a 12 hour night shift? Ika nga ng mga kano: "it sucks".

Back in Rochester

2011-05-11T12:15:00.001-07:00

On a one week vacation. Hosted a former officemate in NEA from Sunday to Tuesday. Have the time to be "creative" now by re-fixing this blog template. I wish I hadn't tampered with the original one in the first place.

lemongrass la mer

2010-10-01T10:51:00.000-07:00

Recent Thoughts

2010-09-23T23:08:00.000-07:00

1. Bought Klipsch speakers for my iTouch. Sounds beautiful. But for heavy, loud, total sound, i'm still a believer in Sony speakers. of course Bose' afficionados will debate this..
2. Been in touch w/ Manolet Heredia. Need his reply on our common friend.
3.
4. Still feel like committing suicide but am scared that if I do it, I might still end up alive - as in a vegetable that can still think & feel. That would be the worst form of torture - and I've seen it happen to some people. It's no way to go unless you have the highest form of masochism.
5. Musical taste has evolved to ambient chill out music. Love it, can't get enough of it, started spending on it. For example: listen to the group called "Dreamtime Submersibles" version of "Intention Craft (Selffish remix)" - (hindi wrong spelling 'to - its spelt that way). Another one is the album of Dan Gibson entitled "Natural Grooves", his song entitled "Brazil" is my mysterious, exotic favorite. That's also the reason why I bought the speakers.
6. Still remember and miss my seashells that I had painfully collected over the years. I recall how I sneaked the rotting sea urchins (in their shells) into the PAL plane from Boracay w/ Lily and the european passengers in front of us couldn't stand the smell and wondered where it was coming from - even went to the extent of smelling each others underarms - very funny memory.
7. I love working at night and dread working during the day. I may have been a vampire in my previous life.
8. Sometimes still feel murderous. I need to buy a gun. Feel it, smell it, sleep with it - no, not make love to it, sobra na 'yan.
9. Lastly, right now, my only happiness in life is eating Chef Hon siopao. For 1 fully frozen siopao, 1 minute is perfect to heat it up, put some Sriratcha hot sauce and you can forget all the creature comforts and mind-boggling highs of the past. Mababaw 'to pero i've never made any pretenses at being a deep person....

In Rochester

2010-07-24T16:17:00.000-07:00

First time I went to the public market. Saw many interesting things.. even two pinays selling dresses made in the Philippines.

Frozen In Time

2010-07-14T14:47:00.000-07:00

I like this song: another lifetime...

Crazy

2010-07-09T13:32:00.000-07:00

She probably thought I was crazy. After I had written and mailed that letter...

2010-07-06T13:54:00.000-07:00

Looks like I've gotten a new research tool:

Losing It

2010-06-17T19:47:00.000-07:00

I was so high I lost everything. Everything I held dearest to my heart was lost forever...

Relativity

2010-06-09T21:23:00.000-07:00

I'm trying not to feel trapped.

Medical Missions

2010-04-27T07:01:00.000-07:00

It looks like a sure-win for Noy-Noy Aquino as the next President of the Philippines. One of the vehicles used for campaigning is having a "medical mission" for the poor areas of Metro Manila (and the surrounding provinces). Of course, highly noticeable is the election paraphernalia reminding the people that it is through the goodness of Noy-Noy and Mar (Roxas) that this free medical consultation, vaccination, and medicine-giving is being done. My only hope is that there is some sustainability to this project even after elections is done. Or else it would become just another one of those traditional tricky gimmicks just to get the votes of the poorer sector of Metro Manila. Don't be the case of same old dog, different name.

Queen Latifah

2010-04-08T05:50:00.000-07:00

I love Queen Latifah's remake of "Hello Stranger".

Steely Dan

2010-03-06T20:02:00.000-08:00

Although I had many chances to try it, I never took LSD in my life. In college I had a friend who came from the same high school who would call me each time he was high on LSD and ask me to come over to his house. He was a smart person who could get really high grades in calculus but I think had discovered marijuana and LSD only later in life, as in college. I recall he had this really repetitious habit, while high, of playing all his Steely Dan records (CDs weren't invented yet then), playing an imaginary bass guitar, and then after a long while, take out a picture of himself when he was around three years old hugging the leg of his dad (who if I recall right, I think was dead already then) and staring at the picture for the longest time. The weirdest thing was that he always ended up crying quietly while looking at that picture. I was never sure if he was crying for himself or for his dad. Now, whenever I hear songs from Steely Dan like, Aja, The Fez, Haitian Divorce & Deacon Blues, I always remember him...

Visiting Rochester

2010-03-06T08:32:00.000-08:00

It's 11:30 am and I'm in Rochester visiting my mom & siblings. My mom launched into her "go to confession" and "you're headed for hell" monologues and I had to tell her and remind her that I honestly believe that even if i never go to church between now and when I die, I believe I will not go to hell. She kept quiet and left in disgust. As we age, I'm drifting further and further away from my mother. I feel really sad watching her get grouchier as she gets older. I guess its nature's way.

Operation Done

2010-02-24T13:31:00.001-08:00

It was a damned if you do, damned if you don't situation. The pain from the stone was gone for the past three days. I had no way of knowing if the kidney stone had passed while urinating. If I didn't have the operation done, it would have taken more tests, which means more time and money, plus more days off from work to determine if the stone was still there. Plus the fact that if I had a future "flare-up" I would have only myself to blame for not having gone through with the procedure. And so they went through with the procedure yesterday and found nothing. Right now I feel like a guinea pig.

The Problem With Races

2010-02-15T15:14:00.000-08:00

I was sitting outside the doctor's office this morning and was chatting with a middle aged black woman when my turn was called. After my talk with the doctor, as I was leaving the doctor's office I greeted a black woman whom I thought was the same one I was speaking to earlier. She wasn't the same one. But I could have sworn she was the same one if not for the fact that she was wearing a totally different outfit. The lesson learned here is not all black people look alike, just as not all white people look alike.

Still Alive

2010-02-13T19:17:00.001-08:00

It's now Saturday and I'm still alive.

Pain Pills

2010-02-10T21:21:00.000-08:00

Five pain pills got me through today. Tomorrow, I believe I will have to face the music and schedule a date for the operation. Nothing major, just another badge of courage, ika nga.

True Freedom

2010-02-10T13:51:00.000-08:00

I will go to my grave without fear of hell or loss of heaven. To be truly enlightened, one must cast away his notions of organized religion and the unfounded fears it has imprinted in his mind throughout his lifetime.

Three Reasons

2010-02-09T16:38:00.000-08:00

Since I'm on the topic of pain there are three reasons why talking to my mother is such a discomfort bordering on pain:
1. She never fails to remind me that the last time I went to confession was in 2003 and therefore am sure to go to hell (for not having confessed recently);
2. She knows that I don't go to mass and always reminds me that I am constantly sinning for not going to mass and therefore am doomed to go to hell; and
3. Whenever I speak to her over the phone I always hang up with the feeling of being worthless. It's just a special skill she has perfected over her many years of being a mother. I know she means best for me but the net effect of her constant warnings of eternal damnation is depressing. The catholic church sure had one powerful weapon in keeping people in tow: the fear of hell.

Extreme Pain

2010-02-09T13:19:00.000-08:00

One sure way to have a sorry "reality check" is to experience extrrrreme pain. Nothing else will matter. No wonder one question asked in the M.D.'s office was: "have you thought of suicide recently?" Of course i lied and wrote "no". Can't give away the fact that the pain has made me crazy. Not cutey, looney crazy but suicidal crazy like: "I need to end all of this".

Speaking of Pain

2010-02-09T01:20:00.000-08:00

People say the worst kind of pain is either from a kidney stone or gall stone. I've had both. In fact I thought i was lucky when my gall bladder was taken out in 2001. Thought i was rid of that kind of pain forever. Last Friday morning what started as a dull pain in my lower abdomen turned into a raging stabbing pain. After a trip to the ER and the CT scan a small kidney stone was discovered. And I thought I was done with pain from stones. This is by no means the final word on pain. Something tells me that just when you thought you've experienced the worst, there's still another level, another degree of pain that you still will come to face.
There's also the most excruciating pain caused by herpes in the eyes. This has been known to result in suicide by the people suffering from it.

On the Philippine Presidential Elections

2010-02-08T18:23:00.000-08:00

Gilbert Teodoro, who is a very intelligent person, will soon know if he was chosen to run as a "Joker" when the party resources start running thin during the run-up to elections.

Chatting in the Breakroom

2010-02-01T11:10:00.000-08:00

When I listen to my officemates chat in the breakroom I realize how different I am from all of them. From discussions about their favorite football teams to their family lives, I realize I'm so different from them.

End of Life

2010-01-31T12:22:00.000-08:00

I know my end will come soon. I've long been expecting it. In fact I'm surprised I lasted this long. I never feared death. How can you fear something that is inevitable?

Memories

2010-01-31T12:21:00.001-08:00

Too many sad ones and the good ones, were few and far between...

Sunday

2010-01-31T12:12:00.000-08:00

It's a Sunday and I'm home alone. For some strange reason I still recall the last night I had with my ex-wife. I recall she cried.... Many years later I realized it was because at that point in time she had made up her mind to put an end to our relationship. I can only look back with sadness that I was not the person she had wanted me to be. I lacked the maturity and to top it all I had gotten myself addicted to a nasty drug.

Work Frustrations

2010-01-20T07:55:00.000-08:00

1. No work carts, no extra large or large gloves on the floors.
2. No medicines. Usually its because the previous shift did not re-order the meds after it was finished. Looking for the medications wastes time. Pt then doesn't get his meds.
3. People talking too much. Power-tripping therapists.
4. 19 patients/treatments on my first round including 4-5 trachs (almost totally impossible).
5. A whole new set of patients after 8 grueling hours of work.
6. No equipment. Looking for equipment slows one down esp. if he or she has 16-20 treatments.
7. Improper handling of Levalbuterol (trade name Xopenex). The hospital claims it's too expensive to administer and Albuterol should be used but when it is actually prescribed, the medication is not stocked in the secure, computerized medication cabinet. It is just lying around openly in some bin. The problem with this is that there is no way of knowing how old the medication is, and the computerized medication cabinet has no record of how much medication is left. One or two rounds of futile searching for xopenex is built into the system. Same is true for Pulmicort. Medication policy is just totally disorganized.
8. Pharmacy always issuing the wrong medication for Flonase.

You Cannot Stop the March of the Apps

2010-01-18T20:18:00.000-08:00

Relationship problem has been solved (for now). Now my mind is free to think. In re my next project, all I can say is: "you cannot stop the march of the apps." (that's an original)

Small Hands

2010-01-06T14:47:00.000-08:00

American doctors & nurses probably all have small hands or they simply don't use gloves. There is a serious dearth of large gloves in the largest hospital in this city. Part of my morning routine is hunting down a box of large gloves.

Karma

2010-01-05T21:21:00.000-08:00

She was not equipped to help me and gave up in the end. I'm now in her position and am just about to give up. I now know how she felt. All I can say is: "its karmic".

Converted

2010-01-02T12:20:00.000-08:00

I never thought I'd finally see the light when it came to the Ipod, Itouch, Iphone & iTunes. But right now I think I'm finally converted. Check this out:

Love is Stronger Far Than we

2009-12-31T23:56:00.001-08:00

I love this song by the same title by Esther Satterfield. I plan to make a more fitting video with the same soundtrack than this video.

Ending the Year Sick

2009-12-31T04:47:00.000-08:00

I feel totally sick. What a way to end the year.

Blogging in Bed

2009-12-30T13:38:00.000-08:00

For the first time in my life I'm able to blog lying down, on my back, in bed, in peace, at my own time... I love it!

At Work

2009-12-30T06:06:00.000-08:00

I can't take small gloves.

Once in a While

2009-12-18T20:36:00.000-08:00

Once in a while we find love. It makes you alive, gives you energy, makes you happy. I've known love in my lifetime but I still remain cautious. I've loved in the past and things have gone wrong. I sometimes wonder if it's in me, if I'm incapable of nurturing love.

Christmas

2009-12-07T18:32:00.000-08:00

Christmas, Windows 7, a new job, fatigue, adoption for my stepson, my um hypochondriac mother-in-law... all these plus many more thoughts are bearing down on me lately.

Tiger Woods

2009-12-07T18:31:00.000-08:00

If the reports are true, Tiger Woods just did nine holes....

Things to Worry About

2009-11-14T22:36:00.000-08:00

1. I dreamed about her again last night. This time she was married to a Pinoy. But I wasn't worried (in my dream) because i somehow felt that I could still win her back.
2. If you shit blood.
3. If you don't shit at all.

October 21, 2009

2009-10-21T09:49:00.000-07:00

Was at the bank this morning and noted that the number of teller windows was nine while there were only two tellers working. Was I getting impatient? Yes, since it was almost 12:00 noon and I was hungry and was thinking of the many things I still had to do. Got home, had my fav Gen. Tso's chicken with the special chinese hot sauce that they make in the restaurant & can't buy anywhere and then got the call from Presby about my transfer. Well at least I know things are moving a little faster now. Looks like my transfer is being facilitated and there seems to be some light at the end of the tunnel in terms of a change in work. Teddy & Peter's birthdays are coming up. I work this whole weekend starting tomorrow night. I need to get a haircut. I want to go to J. Crew to check out the McAllister booties.

Guitar Scales Method

2009-10-19T19:08:00.000-07:00

Whoever wrote the computer program called "Guitar Scales Method" is a true genius. For once in my life I can understand how to play scales on the guitar in different keys. The practices are making my hands faster and my ears more attuned to the different notes. I'm also slowly but surely developing a technique for playing. This is definitely one of my lifetime goals being fulfilled here. I know in time I'll be really good at this.

5:45 am

2009-10-06T02:41:00.000-07:00

It's 5:45 am and I woke up thinking of an ex-girlfriend and the nomadic life I used to live. I also thought of what I was going to cook today. My first wife taught me to cook. It's something I never forgot.

My Bedposts

2009-10-05T19:29:00.000-07:00

I recall my bedposts constantly ripped off the wall, inspite of the huge amount of glue that I used. The glue was not weak, and the glue was not sparse. Which told me those things didn't fall off by themselves. So, I ask myself: why? what for? My silence just made them all the more brazen. I know, some wounds just take so long to heal.

Forgiving Myself

2009-10-05T14:24:00.000-07:00

I lost 13 years of my life to a terrible addiction. To be able to survive as an addict, one must first and foremost hate being an addict. If there's one thing that helped me through, it was my utter dislike at being controlled by a drug. I can't imagine how one little experiment had caused so much misery. But then again, I can't cry over spilled milk. There must have been a reason for this happening to me. I can only move forward and learn from the lessons of the past.

Prediction

2009-09-30T03:07:00.000-07:00

I predict that the computer will replace the TV in the future.

It's Over

2009-09-23T16:02:00.000-07:00

The Board exams are all over. I was reportedly beginning to jabber and thrash about in my sleep. I was starting to have nightmares of the Bar exams in another time and place. This type of exam however was staggered over a year and self-scheduled. The longer you don't schedule it, the more you lose confidence in yourself.

Privacy Notice

2009-09-22T21:37:00.000-07:00

I guess I want out. I feel trapped.

Blogging Silence

2009-09-20T18:51:00.000-07:00

No, I haven't been depressed. I've been busy studying. I know that you know that I probably know it...

Season's Changing

2009-09-06T20:05:00.000-07:00

The leaves are shedding from the tree in the backyard. One tree's leaves in front of the house has already turned violet - a sure sign that it will soon die and fall off. Season's changing and I still feel this sense of quiet frustration.

Happiness

2009-07-26T08:14:00.000-07:00

Is happiness such an elusive thing? Is the pursuit of happiness wrong? One thing I know is that one's concept of happiness is tied to one's goals. In "Man's Search for Meaning" (by Viktor Frankl) he documents that even in the misery of the german concentration camps, there were moments of happiness. Whatever one's definition of happiness is, whatever one's experience or memory of happiness is, I believe that it is a lonely pursuit and a rare occasion that one is able to share the journey with someone.

Wildwood Beach, NJ

2009-07-24T08:01:00.000-07:00

This is my third day at Wildwood, NJ. The beach here is cold. But the fresh air & different atmosphere, and the boardwalk compensates for the cold beach water. I didn't even venture into the water yesterday. From one look I knew at once it was too cold.. even for my feet. On one, er, positive note: I drank one whole bottle of Blue Nun wine yesterday and had a really good sleep. I have a whole bottle of unopened Australian Reisling wine left in the fridge. The only sure way to go to sleep is with Reisling wine. No doubt about it.

One Down, One Last To Go

2009-07-16T23:53:00.000-07:00

Took and passed my Board exams today, July 16th. I now have three months to take the last of my exams. This is a four hour long one and the very last of my Board exams. It's almost like the bar exams. You have to endure eight exams in the bar. In this case its 3 exams. The first is the Certification Exam, the second is the Registry Exam and the last is the Clinical Simulations. I know I can do this. Just a little more focus and patience.

Mortality

2009-07-13T00:08:00.000-07:00

There seems to have been a rash of famous deaths lately. David Carradine, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and Karl Malden all died within a very short span of time from each other. It seems my generation is passing away all too soon. And I'm becoming more aware of my mortality. I start to think of the things that I wish I did and still have not yet done: like becoming an artist. Or studying glass blowing and glass art. Or studying how to play the piano. Or creating stone sculptures. I wonder if I'll ever have the time to do all these.

I guess more important than the accomplishment of lifetime goals is being "centered". The closest way I can describe it is to be generally comfortable with oneself. There is no objective way to measure this, it's just an innate knowledge that one is in the right place at the right time. Now am I "centered"? I guess I'll die off-centered. Why do I say this? Here I am at the right place and the right time - I stayed home this weekend to study for my board exams on Thursday, July 16th, and I spent the bulk of my time sleeping, playing internet chess, reading blogs, newspapers, watching TV and smoking too much. Yes, I used to pride myself with not needing to watch the boob tube so much but I did a lot of watching this weekend. So, I may be at the right place the right time but I may not necessarily be doing the right thing. Terribly off-centered...

Countdown

2009-07-01T21:33:00.000-07:00

Another Board Exam coming up. I haven't posted for so long that I almost forgot my password to this blog. It's 12:36 am. My mind seems to be on "emergency mode". This means a heightened sense of alertness and a sudden need to read all online newspapers, blogs and other things I haven't thought of doing till my exam was scheduled. I know, I've not been myself. No, I haven't been hearing voices, nor have I been double-checking the doors but I just know things have been different. How different? Only time will tell. Like i tell my wife.. let's just flow...

PS. Nababaduyan ako sa Beany Boy post ko pero it's there for historic memorabilia purposes.

Postscript to a Death

2009-05-13T00:10:00.000-07:00

In time I learned a lot from you. It wasn't in a formal manner but more like through osmosis. I also discovered who you are. And then I realized we had become good friends. Some of our best times will forever be kept in my memories: the time you drove me to Indiana & sat with me through a job interview and on the way home we stopped wherever I wanted to eat; that movie "Ghost" which we watched in 1990; our private talks; our jokes which we never got tired of telling each other; that funny time Teresita Lacson from Gagalangin had her eye on you and your face was so serious; and all your little anecdotes about your life which made me put together a pretty complete picture of you. I recall you always looked so amused whenever I talked about my cat. Even some of your weaknesses you shared with me. Like the reason you were bad in directions was because you said you once got lost as a kid. And your love for the law was so apparent. I guess that's why you were such an upright man. And yes, you were a brave man. It takes guts to raise nine kids. I recall you telling me your fears as a young lawyer, how to earn money, what to do with your time. Which must have led to your strong faith in God to see you through. I know you must have prayed a lot for yourself, for all of us. And even before you died, you told me that prayer is never wasted, even if the person you are praying for is already dead, because God controls the past, present and the future.

Your death has changed a lot of things. You're not around to give advise. Even in your silence, your mere physical presence was comforting. It would have been nice to think that your death would have brought the family closer together. What a lasting legacy it would have been. But it doesn't seem to be the case. Almost everyone seems to be grieving in their own way, lost in their own thoughts. Hoping time will heal. Everyone misses you and things will never be the same. Good-bye my friend. Good-bye daddy.

Pagod na Ako

2008-08-26T19:23:00.000-07:00

Been struggling though a depression lately. Existential questions popping out of nowhere. I've been too tired lately. Things to be happy for: 1) I fixed my Dad's computer 2) I watched a jazz concert today with Keith and 3) golf game last Sunday.

The Boards

2008-06-16T21:15:00.000-07:00

I passed the first Board exam on Friday the 13th. I still have one more Board exam to hurdle and I need to take it soon. I actually have a 3-yr time limit to take & pass it but my better instincts tell me to take it within the next month. At least the pressure is off me now.

Two Deaths

2008-05-19T10:33:00.000-07:00

Last night I learned of Nap's death last year. This morning I read about Al's death in the papers. Been out of touch for so long. I guess I'm lucky I'm not stressed out the way I used to be.

Cowardice, Apathy, Hypocrisy, Shame - We all get what we deserve...

2008-04-18T22:27:00.000-07:00

I copied this article from the Inquirer yesterday. Am reprinting it so i don't forget it. or maybe as a reminder to myself as to the reason why i stay away...

The Supreme Court set a bad precedent when it ruled in favor of Romulo Neri’s petition to stop the Senate from asking three specific questions. Now who can stop any Palace official from doing a Neri in future Senate inquiries? Does the high court really want this scenario repeated in the future?

It’s rather puzzling and too late in the day for the Court to bar the Senate from asking whether President Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo told Neri to go ahead with the national broadband network (NBN) deal with China’s ZTE Corp. after he had told her that it was flawed. The Senate had asked the question and Neri, in effect, had answered it under oath in a televised Senate inquiry. After saying that he told Ms Arroyo about the bribe offer of Benjamin Abalos, then-chair of the Commission on Elections, Neri invoked executive privilege and refused to answer the question. He kept mum on the subject despite intense public pressure for him to speak up.

Does Neri really have to say anything more? Is not his silence his way of saying yes? Who wouldn’t say this is so, especially after President Arroyo herself admitted in a radio interview that before she signed the contract she had been told it was flawed?

It baffles me too why the Court barred the Senate from asking Neri two pointless questions, one of which he had answered without spawning the fearsome scenario he painted in his petition. It baffles me even more why the Senate insists in again asking him the same question.

Does the Senate, perhaps, want to force Neri to link President Arroyo directly to the irregularity? The Senate need not do anything more to link Ms Arroyo directly to the irregularity. Neri has already done it, by his ominous silence; so have the President’s men, by sending Jun Lozada abroad to evade the Senate probe and by kidnapping him; so has Abalos, by being omnipresent in all NBN-ZTE meetings even during the run-up to the 2007 elections; so has Undersecretary Manuel Gaite, by providing incontrovertible material evidence in the form of a hefty sum of P500,000 which he gave to a nonentity at very short notice. And most of all, President Arroyo, by merely suspending the deal at the start of the Senate inquiry, and later by canceling it only under immense and incessant public pressure; by signing the contract even though she knew it was flawed; by firing Neri as chief of the National Economic and Development Authority for talking too much, and by giving him something to chew at the Commission on Higher Education so he can’t talk.

The truth is already out. For those who believe, any additional evidence would be superfluous. For those who refuse to believe, a prayer or two might work wonders.

We raged for truth. Now we should rage for action. Unfortunately, the bishops refuse to lead. They are too busy searching for the truth that, in the process, they’ve covered up. And the Senate is not so far behind in their footsteps.

Neri

2008-03-02T20:02:00.000-08:00

Neri needs to testify. Bring that damn house down!

Wildman (last post of this kind)

2008-02-27T20:44:00.000-08:00

Beany Boy

2008-02-27T09:12:00.000-08:00

Came across some old, old cartoons that I used to watch when I was a kid. I always wondered why Beany spoke with his eyes closed and his voice didn't sound natural. Now to look for that "ragmop".

The First Step to Good Government

2008-02-13T11:23:00.000-08:00

There have been many calls for ending corruption in the Philippines. Some say the only solution is to amend the constitution in order to have a parliamentary form or even a federalist form of government. I say the only amendment the Philippine Constitution needs is this: remove the clause on presidential immunity from suit. In this way all hypocrisy ends from the top of government all the way down.

Sixteen Hour Workdays, Farting and Other Thoughts

2008-02-07T20:27:00.000-08:00

Been working sixteen hour workdays three days a week for the past two weeks and I don't know how I manage to get through. It's exhausting. It wouldn't be so exhausting if I was was paid for all the sixteen hours but no, I'm just paid for eight of those hours. It's a long story.. it's part of the system's way of getting cheap labor. I guess it just depends on how one looks at things. Others would say I'm lucky because I'm being paid while I'm still studying.

While working tonight at around 6:30 pm I asked my Russian classmate if she farts in front of her husband. She didn't understand what I meant and so I asked if she passes gas in front of her husband. She said "no" with an amused face and when I asked her if her husband passes gas in front of her, she also said "no". I didn't tell her that such things are freely discussed at home that my wife and I have developed a "farting protocol".

I need to audit my list of people to kill when I get old. I think some may already have died from natural causes. No, it's not a grudge i carry - it's just an old sack of long forgotten memories.

Last Year's New Year's Resolution

2008-02-03T12:21:00.000-08:00

I finally got around to doing one of my New Year's resolutions for last year. I managed to stop smoking three weeks ago. Now if I can only start eating less....

Mame

2008-01-14T18:41:00.000-08:00

My ex-mother-in-law was from Pampanga. In Pampanga, they call their mothers Ima. Aside from Ima, my ex-family-in-law called her Mame (the "e" sounded like the "e" in egg). Sometime in 2001, I was walking in Megamall when I bumped into Teng, my ex-brother-in-law and he excitedly told me that Mame died. When I asked him when, he replied in December of 2000. I then asked him why wasn't I informed, and he sheepishly told me that they forgot. Now I ask myself, if they had forgotten to tell me, then why did he even bother to tell me that she had died? I mean if they had written me off permanently why couldn't he have been consistent and shut up about it when he saw me?
No, I don't have a hangover from my first marriage. This blog is entitled Memories...

Healing the Shame that Binds Us

2008-01-14T08:12:00.000-08:00

Some things can never be spoken about and would rather be forgotten. It has been so long now but I haven't forgotten my addiction. I speak about it openly with my parents, siblings and my wife. I'm glad I got out of that one. Some people can simply pick themselves up and walk away. Some have to hit rock bottom many times. A lot need hospitalization, detoxification and rehabilitation. I only know that my mom had the best prescription for wellness: making me live with them (my parents).

As a nation I sometimes wonder if the Philippines has a collective shame that binds it, that hinders it from developing to its fullest. I'm aware that various Filipinos would refer themselves as "part-chinese" or "part-spanish". What is it about the Filipino psyche that seems to be ashamed of who we are, or what we are?

Last Day of Vacation

2008-01-10T20:44:00.000-08:00

Tommorrow is my last day of a five week vacation. Been reading a blog by Fr. Ed dela Torre. His insights are very positive and hopeful for the Philippines. He's lucky he has the training of a priest but without the shackles of the church's chain of command. He's clearly a free thinker. I always have a saying for free thinkers and revolutionaries: "if you give them a high paying job in government, they suddenly conform and keep quiet."
I hope this will not be the case for him.

Missing In Action

2008-01-09T12:19:00.000-08:00

I know its been several months since I've posted anything. It's like I'm back from the dead. Let's hope this year will be a more fulfilling year for all of us. As to New Year's resolutions - I'm still working on last year's new years resolutions.

Leoning

2007-09-26T08:43:00.000-07:00

Her name is Leonita if i recall right. She was a gnome-faced labandera who washed for us for so many years. Her favorite expression was "nakaw" (for inay ko!). She seems to have a sixth sense for knowing when any one of us are home because she suddenly appears out of the blue. Come to think of it, she always had a sixth sense - she always knew when to show up (even if 2 months late) without incurring my mother's permanent ire.

Jews and Muslims

2007-08-22T21:38:00.000-07:00

They both kill in the name of their God or their religion. The killing, bombing, shooting and maiming has become a way of life for these religious fanatics. But, they are still religious. I sometimes wonder if present-day Catholicism involved violent practices like bombing other religious establishments like a Krishna temple or Buddhist children on their way to school, would it make me a more religious catholic?

Iraq & The Philippines

2007-08-21T07:50:00.001-07:00

Iraq tries & then hangs its former despot after a mere 5 years. His aides now await trial. The Philippines never got to bring its dictator to trial and elected his family and friends back to public office. After 20 years the Philippine government is still suing unsuccessfully for the recovery of billions of dollars that was looted from the public treasury.

He Now Calls Imelda Marcos Doña

2007-07-12T20:52:00.000-07:00

Narvasa reveals his true colors when he refers to Imelda Marcos as "Doña Imelda".

Wichita Lineman ....

2007-06-07T23:24:00.000-07:00

heck the post is no longer available

My Way

2007-06-01T18:54:00.000-07:00

Due to privacy issues the attached video has been deleted.

Cold Case Files

2007-05-15T16:17:00.000-07:00

I'm not much of a TV watcher but the one TV program I love watching is Cold Case Files. Watching it reassures me that good does triumph over evil and it somehow strengthens my faith in the institutionalized system of justice in the country where I live.

I grew up in a society where the government was considered a family corporation, where the system of justice was never trusted, and where the police were percieved as enforcers of an unpopular government. In an era where the most basic civil liberties were denied the majority of the population, where a repressive regime was sugarcoated as a "smiling martial law", the most obvious solution of many people was to flee to a better place.

Being a teenager when martial law was declared in the Philippines, the options facing my family where: flight, or stay put & shut up. Fighting wasn't an option since one usually ended up quite unpleasantly dead. I guess instinctively the majority of my family chose the non-violent but uncertain path of living in another country.

Yesterday, the country I grew up in exercised their right to choose their leaders by virtue of a constitution that was ratified in 1987 after the 1986 popular uprising against the Marcoses, who had chosen to stay in power forever, at least that was the plan which everybody knew anyway. Of course the term "popular uprising" is open to debate by political scientists and armchair revolutionaries but I don't want to go into semantics about that phrase. Since elections are a relatively new, or should I say a "rediscovered" civil right in the Philippines, a couple of predictably peculiar observations often accompany it: election related violence (translation: people ending up killed before, during & shortly after the elections) and rampant vote-buying.

Given that the country is still such a young democracy, that there is really no coherent, long-term program of government (which is why some people tend to favor a dictatorial rule), then endeavors such as solving "cold case files" for the common citizen are still a couple of centuries in the distant future for the Philippines.

PvO2

2007-05-07T20:30:00.000-07:00

Just finished my acid-base exam. PvO2 is the pressure of venous oxygen. A lot of questions were asked in Hemodyamics which I felt I didn't study well enough. Had to guess through at least 10 questions. Ten!!! Ten!! Ten!!

Interesting Blogs

2007-03-28T20:33:00.000-07:00

Through my sister i got to visit a few interesting blogs. Baka biased lang ako dahil pinoy ako pero I've found a couple of blogs that are very interesting. There's one written so well by Nao. Ang galing ng mga anectodes niya but you have to search within the blog for these stories. And there's also another one by Noypetes that has a very interesting & nationalistic flavor to it. Its interesting how blogging has made this world still smaller...

Farewell To Pip

2007-03-07T09:06:00.000-08:00

Hi Bambi,
It's been a long time. I just got the news of Pip's death today March 2, 2007. I'm shocked & saddened. I always had good memories of Pip. I recall he even invited me & my cousin to play at your school fair. Pip always had a gentle, mature manner about him. I hope he didn't suffer from a prolonged illness prior to his death. Please extend my condolence to the rest of your family.

A

hi ayo,

yes i remember that time...wow! madami ka yatang
nabiktima paulinians nun...that was fun....

you are right pip was gentle. and he was also very
patient lalo na with me. he had to go chaperone me for
soooooo many years. he never complained. pakipot but
never complained. i knew naman he would not let me
down.

he did not have a prolonged sickness. in fact things
happened quickly. sunday, we received word that he
went to the doctor for a checkup bec he had a
difficult time breathing but the doc decided to do a
quadruple by pass that day. 3 hours after the doctor
decided that pip was to be airlifted to UCLA if he
does not respond well. but his system shut down after
maybe two days and when the neurosurgeon said he was
brain dead... they decided to pull the plug.

he is the first child to go after our dad. i think he
was closest to daddy.

Ayo, i hope all is well with you. and thank you thank
you for your kindness and sympathies.

please remember him pip in your prayers and what a
good time we had way back then....

take care,
bambi

Opposition or Opportunism?

2007-02-18T14:32:00.000-08:00

There seems to be something very odd about this picture. Some of the people in this picture were active - or at least allied with people active - in the anti-plunder case filed against former president Estrada in 2001. Now they seek his endorsement for the Senate! The only consistent ones here are Maceda & Lacson. Is this the shape of things to come? Poor Philippines!

Queen to Rook 4

2007-02-06T16:13:00.000-08:00

Your move.

This cat plays chess.

Old Shoe

2007-02-03T21:08:00.000-08:00

I know, I'm just like an old shoe. Dusty & forgotten. Stale & smelly. Maybe I'll just get reincarnated into a cat.

Well, Well, Well

2007-02-02T21:57:00.000-08:00

I know everyone was waiting with bated breath to see when i would finally come out of my self-imposed semi-retirement from the blogosphere. For those in the know, I've just been too busy to write. And so, this is just a short update on my new year's resolution to stop smoking. It seems like I wrote that thing so long ago. Well I finally stopped. No ifs or buts or whatnots. I used Commit (see picture) and it works. This thing is expensive ($30.00 for 2 vials) so better be sure of stopping when you buy it. You also have to get used to having a heart rate of a 100 beats/min during your first few days. Ayun, yan lang, tapos!

Why Can't I Sleep?

2007-01-05T22:55:00.000-08:00

Last night I got to sleep at around 3:30 am and I was up this morning at 7:00 am. I felt awful in the office, zombyish and my voice sounded like it didn't belong to me. The other night I got to sleep at around 5:00 am and had to be up by 8:00 am. What's happening to me? What am I worrying about? Is it the incoming semester?

New Year's Resolutions

2007-01-01T11:03:00.000-08:00

1. Stop smoking (inay ko po! eh kasarapan ng buhay ito!)
2. Lose weight & eat healthy. (no more jr. bacon cheeseburgers? inihaw na baboy?)
3. Try to be humble. (eh noon pa naman eh)
4. Improve family relations. (it's the "binding force" speaking here)
5. Stop procrastinating. (self-explanatory)
6. Finish my book. (what book?)
7. Try to understand people more. (buti pa mga pusa eh)
8. Be more organized. (that's being an example to you-know-who)
9. Move on & put things behind me. (sometimes its still nice to dwell on my murderous thoughts)
10. Exercise more. (get back into the pang-romansa form of before... )
11. Save money. (is trying to win the lotto & saving money mutally exclusive?)
12. Be a good example to my son. (I hope it isn't like the blind leading the blind)

Happy Birthday

2006-12-03T07:46:00.000-08:00

She goes by many names: tange, psycho-therapist, Mrs. No-o, Chuck, dre, pre, chong, (unofficial) adviser and sister. One interesting discovery I've had of her is her ability to "sense" things. It's her birthday today and she's off having fun with my ex-nemesis. Happy Birthday!!